This post has been a lonnnng time coming…
It’s not that I didn’t know all the ways that one could do the Twitter version of “rock out with your cock out” —which I am tentatively calling “tweet out with your twat out”— all the way back in November 2015 (or 2013, depending how much you want to read into that tweet) it’s just that up until now I had less than 1000 followers and I worried that if I posted this advice pre-1000, people would be all…
“uhhh… how can you tell me how to be a Twitter Rock Star if you’re not even a Twitter Rock Star yourself?”
Which, I guess, is a valid question. Even if it is a question being asked theoretically by someone who is obviously an a-hole.
So, I waited with my reveal. Days rolled into weeks rolled into months into years. It wasn’t easy sitting on this #quality #content that I knew other future Rock Star Twitterers would kill / start an online petition to get their hands on, but I had to hold off until I could start using a 'k' to describe how many followers I have.
Well, @HI54LOFI is now at 1K. Sure, some of these recent followers have eggs for heads and numbers for names, but it’s 2016 and I’m not about to judge anybody for being anything (I can’t afford an online backlash until I am at least in double digit k’s).
So, now that I am officially certified, would you like these hot social media secrets shared in a bulleted list because fck yeah you do that’s how we want everything…
10 TIPS THAT'LL TAKE YOU FROM TWITTER NOT STAR TO TWITTER ROCK STAR™
#1 - It’s All About The Hashtags
Are you hashtagging? If your answer to that wasn’t something along the lines of #hellaYES, then we can call off the investigation into why there is no Twitter groupie line-up outside your Hootsuite. Seriously (or should I say #seriously, #amirite?). Why pay some robot for a bunch of fake robot followers when you can just tweet things like #marketing #brand #strategy and have a bunch of wannabe Twitter Rock Stars follow you AND retweet you AND add you to weird lists.
Some people think that hashtagging is lame and will make you look like one of those annoying self-proclaimed social media experts… but if you just change “social media expert” with “Twitter Rock Star”, now who is lame? [note: changing “social media expert” to “social media ninja” is still lame and also an insult to actual ninjas everywhere]
#2 - Follow A Bunch Of People And Then Unfollow All The Ones That Don’t Follow You Back And Then Repeat The Process Over And Over Again Even If That Means That You Constantly Follow And Unfollow The Same Accounts Over And Over Again
I know that this strategy might sound like a really sad way to go about existing online, but isn’t having less than 1000 followers even sadder? Also, don’t worry about people noticing that you have 12.2k followers while following 12.2k accounts. People don’t notice that kind of stuff. In fact, the only thing they’ll notice is how many more followers you have than them and how much they wish they were a total legend like you.
#3 - Have More Than 1 Account So That You Can Like & Retweet Your Own Material
Sometimes nobody likes or retweets what you tweet, which can suck. Oh wait, I’ll just like and retweet my tweet with another account that I have. Now who sucks?
#4 - Twitter Is All About Conversations
OK. That is not totally true. It is also about getting people to follow a link of yours away from Twitter to somewhere else. But you have to mix in conversations as well so that people think that you are not just trying to get them to follow a link away from Twitter. Sometimes this can seem hard. You’ll ask an open ended question trying to #engage with your #audience and nobody will say a goddamn thing.
Well, just because nobody is talking back to you, that doesn’t mean you can’t just reply to your own posts. You’re probably thinking “Wait… I thought this was ‘How To Be A Twitter Rock Star’ not a ‘How To Sound Mentally Unstable On Twitter’?”, but hear me out. Since Twitter will show the previous tweets with your replies, you kind of get to keep popping that original tweet back into the top of peoples timelines, again and again. And maybe this time someone will eventually acknowledge your existence and join the conversation you are having with yourself.
If not, keep on replying to yourself. Over and over again. Eventually you’ll end up doing a twitter rant, which is a total Twitter Rock Star play.
Besides, do you really care about other peoples opinions? I know I don't even care if you answer that question, and I guess that's why I'm in the 1K Twitter Rock Star Club.
#5 - Don’t Forget To Tag People
You know that joy you feel when your phone buzzes with a Twitter notification, and it’s not one of those notifications where Twitter is telling you how 2 people you follow liked SOMEONE ELSES tweet [uhhh… why would I care about someone liking anything other than my own stuff?!] it’s a notification telling you that someone has tweeted something and tagged YOU in it?
Well, other people also experience that same joy.
But don’t just tag other people because you know how alive the same thing makes you feel, do it because people are way more likely to retweet or like a tweet of yours when they have been tagged in it. Often times they won’t even take the time to check if the blog post your tweet is linking to is any good, just knowing that it mentions them is enough. And when other people retweet or like your tweets, sometimes you pick up a new follower.
I think it was Malcom Gladwell who said something like “it takes tagging 10,000 people before something something” and I’m here to tell you that what he said is most definitely probably true.
#6 - You should never be #content with putting out average #content”
(think about it… content has two different meanings and pronunciations, but it is spelt the same, so that makes it clever)
#7 - Tweet At Famous People Until They Either Acknowledge You With A Like Or Reply (or OMFG a Retweet)… Or Until They Block You.
Until you become a bonafide Twitter Rock Star, you just have to act like you already are one. And what better way than by attempting to rub elbows with already established TRS's?
Doing this shows your current followers that maybe you are on a first tweet basis with some real life big shots. Well, as long as they don’t look into whether or not you get any replies (but hey, who wants a bunch of little Nancy Drews / Hardy Bros as followers anyways).
And if a celebrity gets annoyed by you and eventually blocks you… even better. Now you can tweet about how you got blocked by SO N’ SO and everyone who has also been blocked and / or doesn’t like that celebrity, or even those that just get excited about the faintest whiff of controversy, they will all instantly recognise you for what you obviously are (a Twitter Rock Star, just incase it wasn’t obvious what I was hinting at).
#8 - Accomplish Something Of Note Outside Of Twitter
It can be easy to get caught up on concentrating on strategies that focus on how you use Twitter, but an often ignored, yet undeniably powerful technique for gaining serious traction on Twitter is to do something worthwhile outside of the platform. Maybe it’s the writing of a best-selling book or a catchy pop tune. Or something else. IDK. It doesn’t really matter. People seem to seek out the handles of people they already have a respect and admiration for on the outside (and conversely, don’t seek out people they have never heard of).
Who do you respect and admire outside of twitter? Are you able to do something comparable to what you respect them for doing?
If so, do that and then sit back and watch the Twitter followers roll in.
If you don’t know how to do anything of real value, ignore this step (it’s not really needed and is just a helpful extra touch if you can muster it… just ask kk).
As you can see, I've left spots 9 and 10 blank.
Is that because I intended to write 10 points but couldn't think of any more fake advice and was too lazy to reformat?
Is it because I wanted to give an opportunity for you to leave your own Twitter Rock Star advice in the comment sections below (or you can tweet them at me or send them to me in an email) and then I will add the best 2 to the definitive list above (a list that will probably be seen by K's of “how to twitter like a rock star" Google searchers for years to come)?
But, even if the list stays at 8… I promise that if you follow the above pieces of advice, in no more than 3–5 years you too will definitely have close to 1000 followers and go down in the history books as a total Bono-fide Twitter Rock Star! <guitar solo sound effect>
ps - if you are not already, maybe now would be the appropriate time to follow HI54LOFI on Twitter